“I’m sooo bored!”
Has it ever occurred to you that your child’s boredom might be a blessing in disguise?
In today’s busy world, we tend to react to signs of boredom with panic, guilt, and a quick “I’ll put on a DVD for you” or “okay, just 15 minutes on the computer”, or maybe even “well, here’s a list of chores, start at the top”. What if I told you that this, (according to the experts), is the ‘wrong’ response? Don’t worry - we all do it from time to time, so please don’t think that I am judging you (in that case I would be judging myself, too).
Online resources on parenting and child psychology suggest that there are two preferred approaches to the “I’m borrrrred’ statement.
1) Children need to be allowed some space for boredom – or, I would prefer to call it ‘nothingness’ – a space where there is no prescribed activity or set rules, no one expecting you to do or say anything. If this never happens naturally, a child might perceive this as negative space and not know how to respond.
If we as parents always rush to respond for them, by filling this space with activities or even worse, with passive entertainment, they will never learn that they can respond in their own way and get out of their boredom.
Even if the world is different from when we grew up, affecting both parenting styles and the way children play, I do believe that children can learn how to be creative about their own time, but it might take a while and some ‘weaning’ off the ‘my parents will entertain me’ attitude. So, the next time your child shouts from the couch “I’m soo bored”, try not to rush to their rescue. Pretend, for a little while, to be busy with something else, and see what happens.
How do we respond to doing nothing? Is it seen as a negative thing, or is one allowed to say “Nothing, I’m just sitting…” when someone asks what you’re up to?
We fill our lives with chores and tasks and activities, and we expect the same of our kids. If we allowed them to spend more time doing nothing (and with nothing, I mean not-a-thing – watching TV doesn’t count!), would they become more creative about how they spend their free time? If TV or the PC were not an option, what would they do?
Take yourself back to a holiday spent in a cottage without TV, with a long stretched beach, a forest to explore or just a garden in front of the cottage. What happens? The old books and magazines get read, Dad’s card tricks are hauled out of his sleeve, mystical animals grow out of drift wood and shells and Mom’s memories of string games resurface from the past.
2) Is this a true ‘I’m bored, I need to find something to do’, or is it merely expressing the need for some attention from you? Children who are truly bored, and have been allowed to be bored in the past, will most likely find something new to do after a while. After playing in their room away from you for some time, they might feel the need to reconnect with you, but use the ‘I’m bored’ approach rather than saying “I need you to stop what you’re doing and talk to me” (wouldn’t it be lovely if they did?).
One article encourages the parent to use this as an opportunity to reconnect with the child:
“Instead of sending your child off on other missions when he is bored, put down what you are doing and really pay attention to him. Talk about school, friends, his worries and fears. Find out what your child is thinking. Instead of finding an activity to do with your child, spend the time giving out hugs and kisses and just talking. You can use this time to catch up on things you may be missing out on in your child’s life and he will know that he can come to you and it will be a great sense of security. A child will never come to you and say he is bored just to irritate you or get you to find something else for them to do, children are happiest at play when they make up their own games.”
(source: http://www.essortment.com/all/childrenkidsbo_riju.htm )
Allow for some quiet time every day, even if it is 10 minutes. This could be enough for your kids to remember a book they wanted to read, or spot something in the room they haven’t seen before.
Children obviously look to us as their role models (the hardest job in the world), and this could be a reminder to look at our own acts against boredom. Do we resort to the TV immediately; do we ever allow ourselves to just do nothing?
You might argue that you never have time to be bored, but this may also be because you have things you love to do when you strictly speaking don’t have to do anything – reading, painting, knitting, cooking, crafting, gardening, running, etc. You don’t even see it as a response to being bored, because you start doing it before you’ve realised that you were bored.
Make it a habit to share what you like doing when you have spare time, and make some time to do it together! Even going for a short walk around the neighbourhood could give you new insight into what your child is thinking about the world!
A big challenge in today’s world of parenting is to create a healthy balance between organised activities and unstructured time. On Cape Town Kids, we try to offer parents information on a variety of activities, but also places to go for quiet time and relaxed, unstructured play.
Resources:
Why parents should resign as boredom-busters
Childerns Boredom
Cape Town Kids
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